Lisa: I am going to Microneedle your face this week.
Erin: (Yawning) Did I do something to piss you off?
Lisa: Nothing more than usual. This will just make you prettier.
Erin: Wait. What? I’m ugly?
Lisa: Oh shit, I have another call. I will see you Friday at 10:00.
Despite navigating Erin through countless beauty procedures, she still lacks faith in my savant like abilities to sniff out the latest and greatest. Yes. The Korean Bath House was a total fail. Fat freezing was agonizing and ultimately pointless. The anti-aging IV’s did not really make us look any younger, but a stranger did randomly told Erin she was “pretty enough to be a stripper” right after we left. (This is like the nicest thing you can ever say to her, so you draw your own conclusions on that one.)
HOWEVER, I was also the one who arranged for us to get brand new vaginas. You won’t hear her complaining about that one. And I got her to start drinking bone broth and taking beef liver capsules. I actually don’t remember why, but I read it was super good for us. Not to mention, I have tirelessly lasered, peeled, shaved, exfoliated and even prayed over Erin’s face until I finally felt it was pretty enough to allow her to tell people who her esthetician is. Basically, I am a selfless martyr, void of any psychological egoism.
First Red Flag: I walked in and Lisa immediately started slathering numbing gel all over my face. I am fairly certain that Lisa’s mother accidentally forget to take her prenatal vitamin on the day “sympathy” was scheduled to develop in utero. My eyes narrowed. Second Red Flag: Lisa is super impatient. She treats red lights and speed limits as though they are “suggestions” rather than actual laws. She actually let the numbing shit sit on my face for the full 15 minutes. Third Red Flag: Lisa was looming over me holding some weird, phallic looking instrument with needles poking out.
Because I am deeply in tune with my intuition, I punched her in the throat and ran away screaming. Just kidding. I totally laid there while Lisa took this lawn mower thing and ran it all over my face until it bled. It did smart a wee bit like a stubborn kidney stone or a compound leg fracture from sliding off a rocky cliff, on an isolated mountain, in a snowstorm, where you have to reset the bone and fashion a tourniquet yourself, and then hike back out to civilization. So like it’s really not that bad.
Anywho, my face felt like I had a bad sunburn afterwards. The next day it was totally fine. Not. Even. Kidding. A week later my skin was seriously glowing. I am going to complete all three treatments to achieve the full effect because Lisa insists I will really see the results in six months. But honestly, I feel pretty enough to be a stripper now.
Final Verdict: Thumbs Up on Microneedling. Lisa wins this round.
Book your appointments today, March is almost full!