One of the newest rages in beauty and wellness is freezing your ass off in a -110° booth, otherwise known as Cryotherapy. The claims are endless; relief of joint pain and inflammation, recovery from sports injury, but, most importantly, it claims to burn 800 calories per session, promote collagen, and reduce signs of aging…so basically, make you pretty. And if standing in a freezer for three minutes can make us prettier, well that’s a no brainer.
We chose a place that is set up like a spa and upon arrival were given nice robes, gloves, tube socks and rubber shoes. We went in the freezing chamber room together and took turns de-robing and stepping into a tight vessel-like machine. After taking my robe off (leaving hands and feet covered), cold air started to spray at me. Like rapidly. My first instinct was to cover my nipples, I suddenly questioned why they aren’t required to be protected. Seems like a super awkward emergency room visit. Nipple frost. I had a flashback to the time I was 23 and knew my appendix was bursting…. I went to the ER and was treated by the most gorgeous man I had ever seen. As the nurses were working to make me comfortable I dreamt about how the ER doctor was probably going to ask me out after he removed my appendix. But, that actually didn’t happen. He came in an hour later and gently informed me that my appendix was just fine. I had gas. I don’t need a nipple incident on my medical record also.
Moving on——the cold blasting air was intense but bearable. During our sessions Taylor and I kept eye contact with each other to stay calm. For example, I asked the sweet room attendant if anyone ever dies doing Cryotherapy and she cheerfully replied without missing a beat, “Oh yeah. Of course.” Taylor assured me that it probably only happens in Europe. Copy that.
Between surviving and looking at Taylor, I also kept glancing at a digital three-minute timer on the wall wondering when the end was in sight, the attendant told me that the timer was actually wrong. I was 20 seconds ahead of it. Or maybe behind. I’m not sure if she was using this as a distraction or if it really was wrong, but being a control freak and not knowing may be how people actually die during Cryotherapy
Finally, the machine turned off and I felt amazing. Taylor and I were bragging that we both had easily made it the full three minutes until the girl informed us that it was actually two and a half minutes. That’s where everyone starts. At two and a half minutes. *eyeroll* Whatever. I chose not to remind her that the clock was actually wrong.
Anywho, My body felt back to normal immediately and I had a ton of energy all day. I was actually wired.
I hopped into the machine like I’ve been doing this forever, like the cryo queen of sorts. Total badass. The second the air started spraying at me I. WANTED. TO. DIE. The thrill from the first treatment had passed and today I had three FULL minutes and the clock was still wrong and I was almost panicking. My legs felt like needles were stabbing them and I couldn’t catch my breath. I decided this was the precise moment I was going to stop selling my soul for beauty blogs. (Don’t worry, the latter part passed very quickly). It took everything I had not to quit and, honestly I think my body was just in too much shock to ask to get out. So, like the first time. I held my nipples and prayed.
After I got out, I had a hard time warming up all day and really felt like an idiot for standing in a -110° booth terrible.
We decided that after having very different experiences on each day, we had to go a third try before blogging our experiences fully.
Really? Did you really think we were doing that again?
Next Saturday we have hot stone massages scheduled.